Evening Comics Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Program
Late-night's prominent hosts spent the evening ridiculing President Donald Trump's just announced visa program, called the "golden visa," characterizing it as a obvious cash-for-residency arrangement for the wealthy.
Stephen Colbert's Pointed Take
Opening his broadcast, Stephen Colbert presented a sardonic holiday tune about the president. "He's compiling a list, checking it twice, before handing that list to the officials at ICE," he crooned. "Trump ... spoils everything he touches."
Colbert's target was the new program which allows international nationals to acquire U.S. residence for the price of a million dollars, with a "platinum" tier for $5 million. The program's page guarantees approval "faster than ever."
"A brief note here to wealthy applicants: prior to you pay, have you considered Canada?" Colbert remarked.
He explained that the card is also meant to "extract cash" from firms looking to hire skilled workers, involving hefty costs. "That is a lot of fees, but if you register, you additionally get two free nights at a property of your choice – as long as it's the a specific Marriott," he continued.
"Unprecedented vetting the government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these individuals truly qualify to be in America."
"That is important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary
On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."
"This is a card that will let affluent international individuals to live here," he said. "For a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your choice."
"Perhaps it's time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your poor masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.
Kimmel lampooned the simplicity of the form, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."
"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers covering Affordability Issues
Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping poll ratings during economic worries. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term since they were mad about the economy," he noted.
Recently, in a bid to discuss cost of living, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a array of food items, where he behaved peculiarly to boxes of cereal.
"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."
"Trump is so extremely weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"
Meyers wrapped up by mocking right-leaning news coverage of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he laughed.