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I maintain the conviction that it is forever an option to evolve. My view is you absolutely are able to teach an old dog new tricks, as long as the experienced individual is receptive and ready for growth. So long as the person is willing to admit when it was in error, and endeavor to transform into a more enlightened self.

Alright, I confess, I am that seasoned creature. And the skill I am trying to learn, despite the fact that I am a creature of habit? It is an major undertaking, an issue I have battled against, frequently, for my whole existence. My ongoing effort … to become less scared of the common huntsman. My regrets to all the different eight-legged creatures that exist; I have to be realistic about my potential for change as a human. It also has to be the huntsman because it is imposing, in charge, and the one I encounter most often. Encompassing three times in the previous seven days. In my own living space. You can’t see me, but I’m shaking my head with discomfort as I type.

It's unlikely I’ll ever reach “enthusiast” status, but I’ve been working on at least attaining a standard level of composure about them.

I have been terrified of spiders since I was a child (in contrast to other children who find them delightful). During my childhood, I had plenty of male siblings around to make sure I never had to handle any directly, but I still became hysterical if one was obviously in the immediate vicinity as me. Vividly, I recall of one morning when I was eight, my family still asleep, and facing the ordeal of a spider that had crawled on to the living room surface. I “handled” with it by standing incredibly far away, nearly crossing the threshold (lest it chased me), and discharging half a bottle of pesticide toward it. The spray failed to hit the spider, but it did reach and irritate everyone in my house.

As I got older, my romantic partner at the time or living with was, as a matter of course, the most courageous of spiders in our pairing, and therefore in charge of dealing with it, while I produced low keening sounds and ran away. When finding myself alone, my strategy was simply to exit the space, douse the illumination and try to erase the memory of its presence before I had to return.

Recently, I stayed at a companion's home where there was a notably big huntsman who resided within the window frame, mostly just lingering. As a means to be less scared of it, I imagined the spider as a female entity, a girlie, one of us, just relaxing in the sun and overhearing us chat. It sounds extremely dumb, but it was effective (a little bit). Alternatively, actively deciding to become less scared did the trick.

Regardless, I've made an effort to continue. I think about all the logical reasons not to be scared. I know huntsman spiders are not dangerous to humans. I recognize they prey upon things like buzzing nuisances (my mortal enemies). I know they are one of nature’s beautiful, benign creatures.

Alas, they do continue to scuttle like that. They travel in the most terrifying and borderline immoral way possible. The sight of their numerous appendages propelling them at that alarming velocity triggers my ancient psyche to enter panic mode. They are said to only have a standard octet of limbs, but I am convinced that multiplies when they move.

However it cannot be blamed on them that they have unnerving limbs, and they have just as much right to be where I am – possibly a greater claim. I’ve found that taking the steps of working to prevent immediately exit my own skin and run away when I see one, working to keep composed and breathing steadily, and consciously focusing about their positive qualities, has actually started to help.

Simply due to the reality that they are hairy creatures that scuttle about with startling speed in a way that invades my dreams, does not justify they merit my intense dislike, or my shrieks of terror. I am willing to confess when fear has clouded my judgment and motivated by baseless terror. I’m not sure I’ll ever make it to the “trapping one under a cup and taking it outside” phase, but you never know. Some life is left within this veteran of life yet.